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Forever Girl

By:M. M. Crow

Chapter 1

Lyric

Now


I'm rushing out the door from my job so I can get to the school before  the latch key program ends. I'm getting in my ninety-nine Chrysler  Cirrus that's seen better days. It's a piece of shit but it's mine. The  heater doesn't work so well or at all. We still have to wear coats even  though it's early spring. I keep blankets in the back to keep the twins  warm when they're in here. I put the key in the ignition and say a  silent prayer as I turn the ignition over. The car starts up and I give a  fist pump because the old girl started. I pull out of the Office Park  where I work and head north on Richmond Rd. I stop at the light and blow  into my hands to try and warm them up. I wish I could afford a new car  or at least new to me car. I look at the car next to me and it's a 2015  GMC Arcadia. I look at the car longingly. I know I would never be able  to afford a car like that. The light turns green and I start down the  road again. I wonder what he would think of me if he could see me now.  He's probably married and has a couple of kids. I probably don't even  cross his mind. That thought makes my heart ache. I shake off my  thoughts and return to the task at hand.


I get to Breckinridge Elementary with just minutes to spare. I walk to  the front door and hit the buzzer so I can get the twins. As I walk down  the hall I hear Jasmine crying and I take off running.

"It'll be okay sissy. It doesn't matter what that jerk face says and if  you want I'll go find him and punch him in the nose for you." Jameson  says to her.

I get down on my knees in front of her and she climbs on to me.

"What's wrong baby?" I ask her

"Mitch said that me and Jamie are bastards and that we always will be  because we don't have a daddy. He said that his mom and dad said you're a  whore. That's why you got pregnant when you was still in school. The  guy left because he didn't want you or us." She says with a whimper.

"I was excited that I was going to be a mommy to you both. It doesn't  matter what other people say about us. Your daddy's on a special trip  and if he were here he would tell you the same thing. How about when we  get home I'll get your pictures of your daddy and Aunt Delia Nicole out  and I'll help you two write them letters." I say to them as I try and  reign in my temper.

They shake their little heads okay and tell me that they would like  that. It breaks my heart that my babies don't know their dad or Auntie  Nic and vice versa. I don't know where they are where to begin to look  for either of them. Neither him or Nic have social media pages. I've  looked for them through the years. I know they grew up in a small town  in Michigan. I looked up their parent's address. The letters were  returned and the numbers were disconnected. I saw that their parents  died in an article on-line. I knew then that's why the letters were  returned.


I get the children situated in the car. I say another silent prayer as I  turn the ignition. The car roars to life and I fist pump again. I look  in the rear view mirror and see the twins have done the same as me. I  laugh and shake my head. I tell them that we're silly as I put the car  in gear and head for home. When we arrive at home I open the garage with  the automatic door opener and pull in. I get the kids out of the car  and they race into the door of the house. We've lived here since I found  out I was pregnant with them. The place is a little expensive but it's  in a good neighborhood and it's quiet. I get in the house and make my  way upstairs. The kids have gone down to their room. Pretty soon were  going to need three bedrooms. The kids will need their own spaces.  Either that or I'll have to give up my room and sleep in the living  room. That's not something I want to do. I'll have to keep an eye out  for something bigger. I look at my home and I have a sense of pride  knowing everything here I bought. I stopped asking my mom Ali to buy my  personal items at the age of fifteen. I had to grow up fast at a young  age. and I've been paying for everything I own since. It makes me proud  to know I'm independent. I don't have to rely on men to support me like  Ali always has. The furniture's from a rent here buy here place but I  paid it off quickly. The twins have bunk beds that are separated and  they each have their own side of the master bedroom. Jamie's side has  Star Wars all over his wall as well as the bed set and he seems to think  he's a Jedi. Jazz's side is Disney Princesses and she also has the  princesses on her walls. She has a little canopy hanging from the  ceiling to cover her bed with the sheer curtains she wanted. She has the  comforter set to go along with it. With them having the bigger room  they have the walk in closet that holds their clothes and toys. It works  out better for them and for me. My room is a bit smaller but I do have a  queen size bed with a dresser and chest of drawers along with a night  stand. The TV is on the dresser in front of my bed. I'm proud of the  life I've made for them and myself. I sometime wonder what Ali would  think about my life. Then I remember the evil venom she used to treat me  with. I would never subject my children to the hostility I was raised  in. I vowed to myself the day I found out I was pregnant that I wouldn't  be the kind of parent Ali was. I would show my children I loved them. I  would put them first in every decision I made. I pride myself on  knowing that I'm keeping that promise to them and myself.         

     

Chapter 2



Lyric



Then





I'm looking out the open window at the house next door. There's a moving  truck in the driveway. There's a guy and girl around my age out there.  The guy has shoulder length dirty blonde hair. The girl has a pixie cut  the same color and they are unloading their stuff. I wonder where they  moved from? I'm making up stories of where they've been or where they  used to live. Ali comes storming in my room yelling at me. She's either  drunk or high but probably both. She's screaming at me because I did not  buy something she wanted at the store on my way home. I look out the  window one last time before closing it and find two sets of green eyes  looking at me. My face gets red from embarrassment and I turn quickly.  Ali is right there with her hand up and smacks me across the face. She  hits me with as much strength as she could muster. I don't move because  that'll just piss her off more. She'd start to use her fist to punish me  for what she deems my wrong doing. I swear she gets enjoyment out of  causing me pain or humiliation. She tells me all the time how I ruined  her life. She could've stayed married to the man of her dreams if it  hadn't been for me. I think to myself she could've stayed with this man  if she'd not been a fucking slut whore spreading her legs for everyone.  I've never meet the man she married. I wonder sometimes if he's my dad. I  do know one thing, she's the one that fucked up the relationship  though.





I'm in my bed hoping that sleep will come soon. I hate when mom has her  friends over. All they do is listen to music to loud, drink, and do  various amounts of drugs. I need sleep so I'm not dog ass tired at work  in the morning. I try to stay as quit as possible. I don't want her to  come in my room and start an argument or fight with me. Her friend Pete  is the friendliest to me out of all of her friends. I think he knows who  my dad is. He's never said anything to me about it. I haven't asked  because I'm afraid he'll go back and tell Ali I've been asking  questions. He came in my room once and told me I was just as pretty as  my mom was at my age. That's what makes me think he knows my dad or at  least knows of him. I think he's lying about me being as pretty as her  but whatever. He's been coming around more the past couple months. He  looks at me all the time. It's like he's looking for something to change  or be different about me. I don't think too much about it most of the  time but it's kind of creepy.





My stomach has started hurting bad and I just want to go to sleep. As I  start to drift to sleep I wonder what it would be like to have a mom,  dad, and grandparents that love me. I wake to the sensation of having to  pee. I don't want to go out of my room and have Ali cause a scene. It's  quiet out there right now but they could still be awake. I try holding  it as long as possible. I leave my sanctuary and tiptoe to the bathroom  before I pee my pants. I hope and pray nobody's awake. I lock the door  and dance around until my pants are unzipped and around my knees. Oh boy  that feels amazing I sigh as my bladder releases. My back's hurting a  little again and I figure it's from holding my pee in for so long. I  wipe and look down and there's blood on the toilet paper. I try to find a  pad in the bathroom but there's nothing in here that I can use. This is  a fucking nightmare. I look around and see the last washcloth in the  cabinet. If Ali finds out what I used it for she'll be pissed. All well I  have to use it. I'll get pads in the morning before I clock in and put  it on my credit. I've never had to get pads before because this is my  first period. I know I'm starting late. From what I've read it's because  of low body weight or something like that. I wish I had a mother that I  could tell stuff like this too; but I can't so I deal.

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